


If Love Be Rough with You

by Master_Thief_Gray_Shadow



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Introspection, Trans Female Character, chisato: EW EW EW ARE THESE FEELINGS I'M HAVING
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-11 17:54:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20157667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Master_Thief_Gray_Shadow/pseuds/Master_Thief_Gray_Shadow
Summary: Chisato had closed her heart to love. She knew she could never receive it, so there was no point in leaving herself open.Kaoru had somehow blown the doors to her heart open, and she couldn't close them no matter how hard she tried.





	If Love Be Rough with You

**Author's Note:**

> Please help this girl

Chisato didn’t really care for men. Not in the sense that she preferred women, although that was certainly true, but it was a little deeper than that. All the men she’d met had in some way disappointed her. Her own father was all but absent from her life, leaving her in the care of her controlling and temperamental mother. Because of this, the only adult men in her life had been agents, producers, directors. People who saw her not as a person, but as a tool or prop, and treated her accordingly. She hadn’t noticed it much when she was younger and had first started acting, but as she grew it gradually became more and more clear to her. Men had only hurt her, and she had no reason to assume that they would stop anytime soon.

There had been one exception though. A boy Chisato had known as a child. She still remembered the day they had met, when she had been at the playground and heard someone sobbing. Checking under the slide, she found him, curled into a fetal position and crying his eyes out. Naturally she had asked what was wrong, and after a little coaxing he explained to her that he was hiding from a group of older boys who regularly picked on him. In that moment she had offered him her hand, and told him that he wouldn’t have to worry about any bullies if she was with him. He seemed surprised by the gesture, and hesitated for a moment, before taking her hand.

They very quickly became friends. Apparently their parents knew each other, as his father was a rather prolific live theatre producer who had worked with Chisato’s mother before. This meant that they would see each other often, which only served to make their bond tighter. As Chisato got to know him more she found that he was an exceptionally tender-hearted person, prone to being moved to tears by nearly any story. And he had loved stories. He loved the ones about charming princes who would come and save fair maidens from the clutches of evil. He seemed to aspire to be one, and even called Chisato his princess from time to time. Which she would always respond by teasingly saying that she could never marry a prince who cried so much. Still, he was such a sweet, kind boy. Chisato may have even loved him, which was why it had hurt so much when they parted ways so she could start her acting career.

That was the first and last time she had loved someone. Entangled in the ruthlessness of the entertainment industry, she had quickly learned that love was not a luxury she would be given. She had fans, of course, but none of them loved her. None of them truly loved her, the real her, they merely loved an idealized, sanitized image of her that was safe to be placed in front of a camera. Even if she wanted to look for someone who possibly could look past her television persona, her personal life was so scrutinized by old men in suits and-- _ ugh _ \--by her mother that it wouldn’t even be worth it. So she did the only thing she could do and accepted it. If she was to live a life without love, so be it.

For years she kept this mindset. It had even extended to simple friendships, as she felt it would probably be best for her to keep her relationship with other entertainers strictly professional. She had intended to keep this up when she had been signed onto an idol band for some reason, but somehow her bandmates had wormed her way into her heart. She’d been wary at first, but eventually she came to accept it. Friends, she supposed, were something she could have. But nothing more.

Among her new friends was Yamato Maya, a shy and somewhat awkward girl who attended a neighboring school, Haneoka Girls’ High School. Despite being in the band and playing onstage Maya was more at home in a studio, fiddling with lighting and sound equipment, which was what she did for her school’s drama club. Maya would talk about the drama club sometimes. Most of it was unremarkable, but something that did catch Chisato’s attention was that Maya would sometimes mention a “Kaoru” who was a fellow club member. The name was familiar to Chisato. But there were many people in the world named Kaoru. And Haneoka was an all-girl’s school. It was a simple coincidence, nothing more.

When Haneoka’s school culture festival came around, the drama club had decided to do a production of  _ Romeo & Juliet _ . Chisato knew this because Maya had told her. It wasn’t of any particular interest to her, but she listened anyway because that was part of being a good friend, right? Apparently casting had hit a snag, most of the roles had been decided, but the role of Juliet remained open, mainly because this Kaoru, who was playing Romeo, had been very particular about what she wanted in the lead opposite her. And then Maya, sheepishly, admitted to having volunteered her for the part. And Kaoru had apparently been very interested.

Chisato was a film actress mainly, but she was familiar with the nuances of the stage. Initially she had been reluctant to accept, with everyone telling her how amazing it would be to have a celebrity like her at the festival in such an annoyingly patronizing manner, but eventually she caved. She had been told that Kaoru had been eager to see her, and that it was like a lifelong dream to perform side by side with her. That seemed very odd for a simple fan. This Kaoru almost sounded like she was trying to reunite with someone. But that wasn’t possible. That boy was gone. Chisato would never see him again.

At least, that was what she believed until she stepped into Haneoka’s drama clubroom, and there, in the center of the room, a script in hand, was her childhood friend with whom she had parted so painfully. Seta Kaoru.

He--or, she, Chisato supposed--had grown tremendously since they’d last seen each other. She was tall, easily towering over the other club members, and her face had become sharp and handsome. She wore a confident smile as she looked over at Chisato, and as their eyes met she could see the same self-assuredness in her gaze.

This...this was the boy she had known? It was unmistakable, of course, but as Kaoru walked over to her, knelt down, took her hand and kissed it as though she were a princess and spouted off some nonsense about how fate had reunited them, Chisato could never imagine her old friend doing such a thing. This was ridiculous. Kaoru was being ridiculous.

And...and charming. Chisato had long wondered what her single crush on a boy had meant. At some point she had decided that it had merely been a fluke, an exception. But now that it turned out that Kaoru wasn’t a boy after all something awakened in her. Kaoru was a woman. A beautiful, charming, kind of dumb woman. As the culture festival approached and Chisato spent time rehearsing with Kaoru, she started noticing odd things in her body whenever they would go over certain parts. An odd increase in her heartbeat. A slight floatiness in her stomach. Going briefly lightheaded when they would practice their stage kiss. And not even ten minutes until curtain on the day of the performance, it hit her.

She was in love. With Kaoru.

Chisato managed to stave off her feelings of disgust long enough to put on a decent performance, although Kaoru’s ad-libbing certainly tested her. How could this have happened? She had sworn off love, made it so that no force in the universe could ever make her fall in love with anybody, and the universe had conspired to bring her together with someone she was in love with already. Why, why did Kaoru turn out this way? Why was she so beautiful, and why did Chisato’s chest twinge with jealousy as Kaoru would flirt with every girl who passed her by? What had happened to the kind and sensitive and  _ honest _ Kaoru she had known? Chisato had tested a few times and found a crack or two in this princely persona that Kaoru had developed. She was sure that deep down, Kaoru was still the shy and quiet child she had been. But she was hiding that side of herself. Hiding it under the mask of a bold Shakespearean actor.

When she had first taken the role of Juliet she had struggled to understand the character, her foolish devotion to love. Now, now she knew. She knew what drove her to go against her family to be with her Romeo, even though it had led to tragedy. Would something similar happen to her if she acted on her feelings? Probably nothing as dramatic as suicide, but there were plenty of terrible possible outcomes. She could be blacklisted from the industry for being caught with another woman. And if that were to happen she shuddered to think how her mother would respond. And did Kaoru even return her feelings? Was this all just an act? Was she willing to risk her career, her reputation, over someone who might not even love her back? To an extent she envied Juliet for her courage.

But in her courage Juliet had been a fool. And Chisato was not a fool. Even as Kaoru extended a hand to her she would not take it. No love was worth the ravages it could bring. Love was not something she could ever have, even as it thrummed in her chest.


End file.
